I Never Knew I Was Doomed To End Up This Way

My uncle never goes to sleep without a cup of tea, and these days, neither do I. I admit I haven’t been sleeping on time, lately. And there’s only so many things that John Mayer’s voice can fix and your absence is not one of them.There are cities that run wild in my veins. You cannot find them on a map. But lately, I’ve forgotten their names and the way their lanes lead up to my favourite cafés. I think I have too many unsaid words in my system, too many unfinished, unrhymed poems in my head and there’s no space left for myself. There’s never enough space for my silence.I think I’ve seen too many sunsets, romanced the moon far too many times. And now, sunset is just the shade of sky when it realises that another day has almost  gone by and the moon is just another lonely rock hanging out there, probably holding on to something that exists only for him.And I swear this is not a metaphor for the way I’ve been feeling.I think it’s going to take me a while to accept the fact that I can’t keep making homes out of people. I can’t keep clinging on to their arms and knees and elbows and I can’t fill in the gaps between my fingers with their childhood stories. I can’t keep begging people to stay some more after they have stayed for a while. God knows how much I’ve tried but there’s only so many things that full stops and commas can fix.Maybe I’ve always known this but you see, on nights like this when sadness engulfs me and I can’t tell if it’s morning already, I can’t help but pretend like I never saw it coming. Like I never knew I was doomed to end up this way.

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29 thoughts on “I Never Knew I Was Doomed To End Up This Way

  1. Dang girl. That was deep! I feel like I’m reading Wordsworth or something. I cannot resonate with the bit about not making homes out of people. So true, yet so easily done and even harder to “move out of” if I may use that cheesy metaphor!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks in return, for your thanks (! this could go on a long time tee hee). Seriously, I write a piece soon, not a poem…some prose. I’m on the other end of the age scale to you… I look to how much I have understood in my life and I work hard to grow in true understanding, realisation, before I die. And like you I started thinking of the ‘big questions’ when I was teenage. I don’t know if sadness goes with that territory sometimes? More in my post. But your writing is very fine and touches my heart. Kind wishes to you. Tony

        Liked by 1 person

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