My Brain Is An Asshole- Part 2

me: period gets delayed yeah well it could be anything

brain: you’re pregnant

me: ???

brain: weren’t you just vomiting the other day and craving red velvet cheesecakes with belgian chocolate oreos even though no such thing exists?

me: I was sick and I always crave random food

brain: even your tummy coming out

me: ??

me: the last physical contact i had with a boy was when i hit my brother

brain: you’re pregnant and a disgrace to the entire family


 

me: i need to study

brain: that fuckboy who played wit you in 9th grade? Let’s post a bomb-ass selfie on Snapchat so he can see what he’s missing out on


 

me: trying to sleep

brain: Haram-bae.

that’s a nice pun but idk how to make it into a joke. guess i’ll need……a….. pun-chline

me: the only punchline you’ll get is a line of people waiting to punch you


 

me: writing an exam  don’t know shit

brain: haha but what if this paper’s magical and it speaks out everything you write but you can’t hear it but everyone else can?

me: no such thing exists

brain: what if the pen’s magical then?

me: WE DON’T LIVE IN HOGWARTS!


 

me: walks past a hijabi

brain: wonder how many pins hold that hijab together


 

brain: that guy you like? he just texted back? let’s imagine an entire future together.


 

brain: if I die right now do I have enough time to be reborn as one of the Kardashians?


 

Much love.

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15 thoughts on “My Brain Is An Asshole- Part 2

      1. Well I very much look forward to stumbling across them. it’s nice to know my mind isn’t the only one that doesn’t play nice. Plus they’re written so humorously they always give a smile…. especially when you recognise a share one 😄

        Liked by 1 person

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