me: period gets delayed yeah well it could be anything
brain: you’re pregnant
brain: weren’t you just vomiting the other day and craving red velvet cheesecakes with belgian chocolate oreos even though no such thing exists?
me: I was sick and I always crave random food
brain: even your tummy coming out
me: the last physical contact i had with a boy was when i hit my brother
brain: you’re pregnant and a disgrace to the entire family
me: i need to study
brain: that fuckboy who played wit you in 9th grade? Let’s post a bomb-ass selfie on Snapchat so he can see what he’s missing out on
me: trying to sleep
that’s a nice pun but idk how to make it into a joke. guess i’ll need……a….. pun-chline
me: the only punchline you’ll get is a line of people waiting to punch you
me: writing an exam don’t know shit
brain: haha but what if this paper’s magical and it speaks out everything you write but you can’t hear it but everyone else can?
me: no such thing exists
brain: what if the pen’s magical then?
me: WE DON’T LIVE IN HOGWARTS!
me: walks past a hijabi
brain: wonder how many pins hold that hijab together
brain: that guy you like? he just texted back? let’s imagine an entire future together.
brain: if I die right now do I have enough time to be reborn as one of the Kardashians?