Letter to myself- #2

Dear Anam,

I’m sorry for the marks and scars on your wrist. I’m sorry for throwing up whatever little food you eat. I’m sorry for damaging your liver by consuming too much paracetamol. It says on the back of the strip: ‘Taking more than max recommended daily dose may cause serious liver damage or allergic reactions (eg swelling of face, mouth and throat, difficulty in breathing, itching or rash)’. The recommended daily dose is 8 (every 4-6) hours. I have eaten 11 today. Will I die? I haven’t. I have attempted suicide thrice in 6 months: 28 September 2016, 7th January 2017 and 12th April 2017. And yet, I’m too weak to die. I’m too scared to slice the entire vein of my wrist in one go. I’m too scared to buy actual sleeping pills and overdosing on them. I’m too scared to drink the whole bottle of poison. I’m too scared. Tell me, is there any hope for someone who wants to die but is too scared of dying?

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23 thoughts on “Letter to myself- #2

  1. Wow …💔
    I am no body to judge
    But Always think things on the brighter side , for instance
    There are millions and billions of people out there going through much worse
    So many people living in poverty , so many orphaned with no family , no home
    The key to success in life is something so simple to say , yet hard to do
    SABR …what a beautiful thing
    Being happy with the situation Allah alone put u in ..
    Knowing surely He knows u can pass it patiently
    Everything u go through… Is from Allah
    He just wants u to get closer to him
    And making ur Jannah huger
    Only for YOUR betterment ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It takes a lot to get to the point you at right now. You’re going through emotions that is very unique to you and no person will ever come close to understanding that- unless they go through depression like this too. Depression is going to feel like it’s tying you down with a huge weight and you don’t feel like moving around at all other than lying in bed. I hope the burden gets lighter on you, Sister. It’s a struggle to recover but know we’re here to support you and listen to you ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This world is only Temporary; we live for the Aakhira. Just know that whatever trouble you’re going through won’t last forever. Allah doesn’t burden a soul more than it can handle, which means you’re stronger than you think. I know it’s harder than it may seem, but take it easy. Shut down your thoughts; ~look~ at the creation of Allah while reading zikr. May Allah ease your pain and worries, grant you a life of happiness and contentment and bless us all with Jannah in the Hereafter, امين 🌻 If you could do with another friend, email me (thoughtswithsass@gmail.com)! No pressure, but I do like making internet friends. (Also, I tell lame jokes if you’re into that sorta thing xD)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wanted to like it..but also not like it. I like that you put yourself out there…But I don’t like that you felt that way. Your a awesome person and it hurts to see that. But your good now surrounded by many friends and lots of love. Stay strong!!

    Liked by 1 person

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