Letter to myself- Epilogue

I saw the moon rise today. It was a full moon, orange. It was so beautiful. And yet, yesterday it was so tiny, hardly there. Not yesterday, a few days ago. I’ve lost the concept of time. What i’m saying is, can something this small and inconspicuous become so bright and big in a few days? Is such a miraculous rebirth possible? Is there hope for me?

Maybe I can get through this.

You have been in every way all that anyone could be… If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.’

~Virginia Woolf (from her suicide note)

via Smith edu

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16 thoughts on “Letter to myself- Epilogue

  1. Hey Anam I have been thinking about you for few days, probably because i can relate to the depression part…have battled that and still battling…i cant promise i will be helpful but please feel free to talk to me anytime may be we find something common which could be if benefit to you… sending prayers for you

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hi Anam,
    I’ve just read your last few posts. Distressing as they were I’m so glad they ended here, on a hopeful note.
    Through reading your anguish all I could think of was woah this girl is so strong (YES STRONG!) why does she view herself so weak.
    You know Allah said He would not test us with a burden thato
    we can’t bare. This is an enormous burden you’re carrying but guess what, Allah knows you’re stronger than most of us and that’s why you’re where you are. If you couldn’t survive this you would have done the things you’ve wanted to and it would be over. But you’re so much stronger than me in just the fact that you’re going through this. I’m weak in comparison because my burdens have been different but have reached me when I was older and more mature to deal with.
    You’re 17, fighting demons I couldn’t imagine at that age.
    Chin up my girl, in reference to the line that you haven’t achieved anything : that’s okay. I also only owned by books and CDs at that age. For some reason at 17 we all think the we should be more accomplished but you don’t find out who you are and what you want for another 8 years (at least for me). You change friends and interests and life and Allah shapes you to be exactly who you are. All these struggles build you up, you will have regrets but also appreciate that you have those regrets because now you know a little better.
    You will learn that it’s okay to be sad, but to not let that sadness keep you from achieving what you want. If you don’t know what you want that’s okay too. Coz Allah knows man, Allah knows and He is orchestrating every second, every step you take, every ant that crosses your path, everyword you hear, every smile you give or receive to get you exactly where you need to be.
    I’m never going to understand what you’re dealing with. Neither will your family or friends unfortunately, because the only person who has lived your life is you. All we can do is listen and offer words of encouragement that helped us.
    Life is beautiful I promise. It doesn’t feel like it but I pray to Allah that soon you will see it. There is so much love, you’re surrounded by it. Allah loves you. If it feels like no one else around you does that’s a lie that the devil is feeding you. Allah loves you so much it’s incomprehensible.
    And I love you too.
    A stranger.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I read your last couple of posts …and I was worried about!!! Girl…Stay strong!! We all have those kinda up and downs in our life and those ugly when we feel lonely, weak or even unwanted!!! But know what girl stay a believer because you’ll never know the real meaning of happiness if you have never passed across sadness!!! Just remember! You are strong and you are Worthy to live …don’t ever look down to yourself sweetheart… !!!!

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  4. Anam, I’ve gone through some rough times and while it’s true that I haven’t, YET, gotten everything out of life that I had hoped to accomplish, I can still look back and shudder over the thought of what I would’ve missed had I given up. Note that above word YET.

    Yes, even after six+ decades, I can still hang on to my beliefs, hopes and dreams that new friendships can blossom… that life’s joys and opportunities can present themselves when least expected… maybe even tomorrow. That’s what keeps me going and I hope that sentiment will help you do the same.

    Never underestimate your talents. Your thoughts bridge thousands of miles and touch souls all over our world. The command you have over words makes you more powerful than you realize.

    Liked by 1 person

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